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Things I'm Afraid to Tell You.


Last week there was an awakening in the blogging community and ironically, because I’ve been away dealing with some personal issues I almost missed it. I've been feeling the need to open up to you for a while now, so even though I was slow on the uptake I think this was the universe sending me a sign to go for it.  It’s taken me some time to think through, and I hope you’ll consider reading and sharing your thoughts.

It began with a post, titled "Things I’m Afraid to Tell You", inspired by Jess of Make Under My Life and initiated as a project by Ez of Creature Comforts. I’ve been reading other blogger's posts as time allows and copied down a few thoughts that resonated with me personally:

Instead of visiting a blog and feeling inspired, we quite often leave feeling less than, and like our life can never really match up to what we see. – ez, creature comforts

Blogging lately has gotten very pretty, and I’m not against pretty at all, but I kind of miss the funk, the artlessness it used to have before it became a business. – rena tom

 I’m panicked at the thought of failing. – stacy, hello cupcake

I sometimes tire of writing about art/design/visual inspiration, because I fear I’m contributing to a false sense of reality.  – erin, design for mankind

 I only realized just recently though that blogging has begun to make me doubt what I have, and the way I live. – ez, creature comforts

It all comes back to something I've been unable to resolve within myself… the sense that in this ever more crowded space, I’m no longer able to measure up. There are so many brilliant, beautiful design blogs out there and I find myself making excuses that my own could be better/smarter/prettier if only I had more time.  But let's face facts... I'm a full time working mother.  I don't have more time and that's not likely to change any time soon.  So I’ve been battling with an internal struggle… is it worth continuing to pursue something that I don’t have the time and energy to commit to with my whole heart?

And so, the thing I’ve been afraid to tell you is this… I don’t want to be a 'blogger' anymore. What used to be a source of excitement and creative inspiration now feels like a full time job, and it’s pulling me away from my family, my work and lately even the joy of living in the moment.

I’ve been maintaining this self imposed pressure to keep up and I'm growing tired of it all.  With the trends, with social media, with who got the latest book deal and who just came out with the best party, DiY, new business, online magazine, etc.  I mean no offense by this truly. I strongly believe that everyone deserves to share and celebrate their own success. But right now my priorities need to shift, and if I’m being honest my perspective does too.

I'm realizing that I need to be more present in my life, which also means acknowledging that I can’t do everything. What I’d really like is to have more time for the things that drew me into blogging in the first place…. designing, party planning, crafting and baking. And these things I will happily continue to share with you.

A while back I opened an Esty shop to house my invitation designs (which is another thing I’ve been afraid to tell you because it’s never felt ‘ready’). Maybe I’ll find the time to spruce it up and announce a Grand Opening one of these days. You haven’t seen the last of me guys… I can assure you there is more to come. But for now at least, I've made a decision that CAKE. is going to become a place to celebrate my own work, posted on my own terms. And I can’t begin to tell you how cathartic it feels to say that out loud.

I sincerely hope you’ll stick with me, and pop by occasionally to say hello. And should you happen have your own awakening and decide to share it with the world at large, please let me know so I can support you in turn. Thank you friends… for reading, for indulging me… for everything.  Here's to more good things on the horizon for us all.

To read more about this project, please visit this post as well as it's links to other bloggers.

Jenny from Crossing the Bugger-Dixon Line (May 14, 2012 at 5:33 AM)  

It's like you took the words right out of my mouth, thank you for your honesty. So many of us bloggers can relate and live this right there with you. Cheers to finding a healthier, happier balance to life!

Katie (May 14, 2012 at 5:50 AM)  

Good for you! I'll stick around and look forward to what comes next.

Love & Sugar Kisses (May 14, 2012 at 5:53 AM)  

Thank you so much for posting this! You seriously just read my mind! I tell myself my work would be better if I had more time...that I don't "blog" enough...but there aren't any more hours in the day and just like you said, it isn't going to change anytime soon. I closed my etsy shop (I was making fondant toppers) because I couldn't keep up. I won't be blogging much either for the same reasons.
Thanks for the are not alone and it makes me feel so much better to know that!!
Maria from Love & Sugar Kisses

Wendy @ Whimsy & Wise Events (May 14, 2012 at 6:19 AM)  

Because I have to get to work right now, I don't have time to write as much as I would like :) ....but I just wanted to say thank you for this. You said exactly what I have been thinking lately. :)

bump smitten (May 14, 2012 at 6:41 AM)  

What a wonderful post! Thanks! Elizabeth

linnette from (May 14, 2012 at 6:45 AM)  

Becca--you are a brave soul for opening up so candidly. Thank you for your endless inspiration. I think you are vocalizing what a lot of women are feeling these days. I have been feeling a stink brewing up for months regarding this. I find myself skipping over blogs because things DO look perfect. I stay longer in the blogs that feature more unfinished projects or projects that I can relate to because they feel like "real" time went into them. I always read your blog and I mostly enjoy your personal projects and look forward to reading about them when YOU are ready to post them. You are right--there is simply not enough hours in the day. I kick myself daily because another thing didn't get done and I need to stop feeling that way and give kudos for what I was able to do. You are not alone. p.s. your Etsy shop invites are adorable :) +hugs+

Meredith Santucci (May 14, 2012 at 7:16 AM)  

Kudos to you, Becca! You are MUCH supported and VERY understood. I hope the truly important things in life begin to enhance and enrich your life even moreso than they already are, and of course I will continue to stop by. It takes a strong person to say those things out loud. ALL MY BEST! ~ Meredith

Holly {CookClickDanceBaby} (May 14, 2012 at 8:05 AM)  

We certainly understand and hope this break will offer the good times/feeling/life that will make you the happiest you can be. Congratulations on being YOU!!


Jo Edwards (May 14, 2012 at 8:05 AM)  

You've stated so succinctly what this is about for you....sharing. I love following your creative endeavors and look forward to whatever you choose to post for us to enjoy. For me, starting a blog was sort of cathartic. I've recently been diagnosed with colon cancer and daily journaling has been a wonderful way for me to share my feelings about this journey. I hope when you have time, you'll check in on my progress.

Andrea (May 14, 2012 at 8:15 AM)  

Becca, I think your bravery is awesome! It takes so much to be vulnerable in your own space! I love your blog, and can't wait to see how you make it more of what you want it to be.

Molly (May 14, 2012 at 8:16 AM)  

Love what you said! You are exactly right - it should not take away from you family and the joys of everyday life. It sounds like the decision you made is a great one!

Amy (May 14, 2012 at 8:19 AM)  

Becca - your desire to become more of your true self is refreshing. I am taking this month off from my business for the same reasons you stated. I think you've shared something more people than not are feeling. We need to give ourselves a break, take life in, and share it...instead of spewing it out all for the sake of competing or keeping up. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Enjoy what's in store,

Lesley –  (May 14, 2012 at 8:23 AM)  

Love you...wishing you happiness! Come for a cup of tea!

Michelle (May 14, 2012 at 8:29 AM)  

Becca, you are amazing, wishing you all the best!

Chakalte (May 14, 2012 at 8:37 AM)  

Monumental .... Love this Becca! Good luck!

Chakalte (May 14, 2012 at 8:37 AM)  

Monumental .... Love this Becca! Good luck!

Melissa {thebakedequation} (May 14, 2012 at 8:38 AM)  

I often feel that same pressure. My husband and I had a wonderful talk about it. Trends and everything change so fast. He encouraged me to do what you love and post when you can. He told me to write because you want to, not because you have to. So I do. I maybe get one post a month done. I love your blog, but don't let it dominate your life. I love your blog. I look forward to reading, but definitely don't let it crowd out your life. Wishing you the best Becca

Rocking Rascals (May 14, 2012 at 8:45 AM)  

I second everything Molly said. All the best for the future whatever it holds.

cara (May 14, 2012 at 9:42 AM)  

This feels like one of those 'Aww, honey..' moments, if I were that kind of gal. As scary as it is to share all this (sometimes to admit it in the first place!), I think it is terrific -- I reached a similar decision about a year and a half ago, and it seems so scary at first, because of how much a part of life all of this is, right? But it doesn't have to be -- and being present is the most important, so yea for you :)! Hooray for the bloggers who can do this, but hey, life is different for everyone :) I recently discovered you + loved the inspiration you shared -- so thank you for that :), and enjoy yourself!

Allyson/HBMomof2 (May 14, 2012 at 10:12 AM)  

Good for you! I have been noticing the perfection problem for a while now and to echo someone above me, I have hit the "Mark all as read" button more often than I can count on some blogs. When I started noticing all of the pinning hints, I knew it was only going to get worse. What ended up happening is that I cleared by blog reader of the overly perfect, overly done, over priced and overly happy blogs. (Also everything on the negative end of the spectrum.) I have fewer and more me-type blogs to read. I have never blogged for all of the reasons you listed above. I just couldn't justify spending that time away from my family.

I believe when something you love becomes a chore it is time to move on (or change focus). I love that you made this decision for your family. Doing your best for the people that matter most is what all moms are here to do. After the mommy war of the week last week, I came to the realization that we are all just doing the best we can with what we have. I have been a follower for a long time and don't plan on going anywhere. You have a beautiful blog and it has inspired me. I will accept you as you are. I have loved your inspiration, but will take you in whatever capacity you can spare. Take care of your own and the rest will take care of itself. Blessings to you and your family.

Sarah (May 14, 2012 at 10:20 AM)  

Aww very sad, but very understandable. I definitely have felt that way at times. Good for you for doing what you feel is right. I'll definitely keep an eye out for you =)

- Sarah

Pink Cake Plate (May 14, 2012 at 12:51 PM)  

Thank you for sharing this. I too have been doing some thinking about what I want to do with my blog! I work full time and want to someday retire but is blogging the way to do that who knows!!!

Liz (May 14, 2012 at 1:21 PM)  

Good on you for being true to yourself. I'll stick around and I am sure that everyone else will too. Enjoy the newfound freedom. Xo

Tiffany @ Fizzy Party (May 14, 2012 at 2:01 PM)  

Great post. One should not feel like a 'slave' to their blogs and I commend you for taking a stand and speaking your mind. Your true fans will understand snd be there when you have a spare moment to share a post. I'm so glad when I started my blog almost a year ago I went in with a good attitude and have kept it. It does not and will not rule my life. But I will certainly enjoy it when I have the time for it. Thank you for a great post.

Mandy (May 14, 2012 at 2:03 PM)  

Good for you! The blogs I like to read are the ones that are the most "real". I you find joy in your new journey!

Sweet Goosie Girl (May 14, 2012 at 2:17 PM)  

Hearing this just makes me want to read your blog're a real person! Yay for you to realize and act on how you feel! Keep up the work YOU love!

Haylee (May 14, 2012 at 4:01 PM)  

Well I definitely will be sticking around. Personally I love the idea of you posting more of what YOU want and what YOU feel like posting.

Jodee (May 14, 2012 at 4:17 PM)  

Amen, sister! Well said!

Ruby & Rose Interiors (May 14, 2012 at 4:21 PM)  

What a wonderful post and I think a majority probably feel the same way. I blog sporadically, and then I blog about my business and life and it's not always pretty. That's me. I'll never be the cool kid! I find that there are way too many self absorbed self appointed judges out there! Be you when you want to be ~ and post about you when you want to! Mx

Act on Inspiration (May 14, 2012 at 4:57 PM)  

Thankyou so much for sharing! And for making the decision to do more for YOU. I work full time (but am not a mother), but even I can relate when you say your blog pulls you away from the rest of your life - so if I feel the pull I can only begin to imagine what this must be like for you!
I will most definitely stick with you, and cannot wait to see what personal projects you have in store =)

Anonymous –  (May 14, 2012 at 6:18 PM)  

I think you worded your interior thoughts beautifully about the image-driven creative, online culture. From pinterest to blogging, there ARE amazingly beautiful and creative ideas everywhere. Yet, may we all strive to express ourselves in the way we are uniquely created. I think you have been doing this all along. In fact, your blog is the only blog that I follow via email. I have always enjoyed your posts. I appreciate your transparency, and it was refreshing for someone to voice my personal reflections about the online creative culture.

Not Just A Mommy! (May 14, 2012 at 8:39 PM)  

It is a brutal world of keeping up with the Joneses, isn't it! I totally understand because I notice when I take pictures of my events, I'm thinking about what would look perfect for my blog, and it's supposed to be about capturing the moment. I'm certainly not going anywhere,

I've been with you since you were the Birthday Girl, and will be thrilled with whatever you share with us!

Keisha - Cupcake Wishes & Birthday Dreams (May 14, 2012 at 8:59 PM)  

What a brave, brave statement. There are soooo many times where I also find myself thinking, dang it - I had that idea and now here comes a more popular blogger with the same idea and what am I gonna do now....or, even comparing my creativity to another person's when in reality, we're all talented in our own right. We are all fabulous, skilled, crafty, smart and fun. So, I applaud you for saying what I have been thinking for months. My blog is my blog, and while I tend to stay within the realms of my own creativity not willing to bend too far out from that line, there have been so many moments where I thought, what if I do what so and so is doing....only to tell myself, no - you are your own self and stay true to that. So, thank you so much for sharing and being open and honest and helping me to reassure what I know to be true about my creativity, my craft and my passion! I've been reading your blog for a while - when it was Birthday Girl, so I'm glad you're staying but I'm also glad you had enough heart to share ;)

Ces (May 14, 2012 at 9:31 PM)  

Wish you all the best

CAKE. (May 14, 2012 at 9:48 PM)  

Wow. I'm overwhelmed you guys. Really, I have no idea what to say to this amazing outpouring of support. Your responses have been incredible and I love hearing how many of you have been feeling some of these same things. It makes me feel so much stronger in my decision. I had a fear I would feel like a quitter or a failure as soon as I hit publish... but actually, I feel tremendous relief. I'm so grateful to you all for helping me through this and for respecting my decision to open up.

DULCESOBREMESA (May 14, 2012 at 9:52 PM)  

Thank you for sharing Becca.... we can so relate... We appreciate you and admire everything you do, so we´ll follow you wherever you go! Sweetly, Susana @ Clara

Anonymous –  (May 15, 2012 at 3:28 AM)  

I've never commented on a blog before - until now!

Good on you, do what you love and love what you do. I read a lot of blogs and by gosh, they are getting boring. I'm not perfect and I don't really care for anyone who pretends to be. Show me some refreshing reality and individuality any day.

I chose not to "theme" my daughters birthday party this year, she didnt care and neither did any of her little friends, they all had tonnes of fun regardless of the fact they were eating off non-matching plates and napkins! That was a little break through for me and I am gradually becoming more ME every week.

I hope it all works out for you and you do something that makes you feel truly happy and fulfilled.

twelve-O-eight (May 15, 2012 at 6:12 AM)  

Thank you for your honesty, it is refreshing. As women, we tend to already compare ourselves to others and feel "less than" which is a lie. I am fairly new to blogging, but find the blogs I really love are real. Real people, with real lives, giving us a peek into their world. I'll take non-fiction any day :)

savethedateforcupcakes (May 15, 2012 at 6:25 AM)  

Becca~ you have been and always will be an inspiration to me. I'm happy you will be able to dedicate more time to you family and that beautiful baby of yours with less stress from the "blogging world". I wish you all the best!


Anonymous –  (May 15, 2012 at 6:30 AM)  

This is exactly the corollary to what I have been feeling lately as a reader. I find I am losing interest in blogs that are becoming more commercial because they are eliminating the intimacy that drew me to them in the first place. What I want to read about and what I connect to is the blogger's real experience, not so much the review of sponsor's products or the perfect party! So carry on and realize that YOUR experience has value to the outside world when it happens (and you have time to share it) simply because it is YOURS. The more genuine and true to your personal experiences you can be the better, I say. 'Cause guess what? Your readers aren't perfect either! ~Cindy H (May 15, 2012 at 7:17 AM)  

Amazing! I did the same thing last august and it felt SO good! Yay yoy!

Malu Boutiques (May 15, 2012 at 11:16 AM)  

Very understandable what your going thru and give you lots of props for voiceing it. I have a lot of the same issues and lately have done the same and backed off a little to attend to my children and family. I love passing by your blog and will continue. Wishing you lots of happiness and blessings.

Audrey (May 15, 2012 at 12:16 PM)  

I have a lot of respect and understanding for your decision and will absolutely continue to follow. I'm sure it wasn't easy but it's so nice to hear that your decision has provided you so much relief. You'll probably find that you're MORE inspired once you don't feel the pressure to "keep up" anymore. Best of luck to you! I've enjoyed reading and always thought your blog was top notch!

Michelle Wilkes (May 15, 2012 at 8:03 PM)  

GOOD FOR YOU! I appreciate your honesty, and support you in this. I'll check back when you have things to share- but no pressure from me! Enjoy your life and your family!

Christine {Pure Joy Events} (May 16, 2012 at 5:57 AM)  

Being a full-time working mom myself, I can totally relate. After putting my blog in front of my family and personal well-being for so long, this year I've tried to make an effort to blog when I feel like it or when I have time for it. I've also cut back on doing photo shoots and am doing more of what I love -- tutorials and "real parties" (just fewer of them). I really look forward to reading more of your personal posts. xoxo

Christy from Inspired Design –  (May 16, 2012 at 6:36 AM)  

Amen! Thank You for being so honest! I 100% understand where you are coming from. I feel I have just as much talent as the rest of the bloggers out there, but I simply do not have the time. I have 2 special needs children with numerous health issues, a business that my husband just started, and many other commitments. I just cant keep up and therefore feel like giving it up at times. But then, as I'm sure you know, it is a part of who I am and I just can't give up my passion. But I am no longering letting the pressure get to me. You are doing what is right and putting your priorities first. I salute you!!

Chiwei @ One Dog Woof (May 16, 2012 at 1:18 PM)  

Kudos to you for being honest to yourself and your readers! I blog over at, and even though I'm new at this, I already feel the pressure of comparing and being compared. I have to consciously make a decision almost every day to NOT blog and to enjoy my time with my family and remind myself why it is I'm blogging, and it's not to become popular, as fun as that sounds. I thought it was just me, being new and overwhelmed by the beauty of the blogs available, but I'm glad to see it's hitting older/larger bloggers as well!

~Heather~ (May 16, 2012 at 3:29 PM)  

I absolutely know what you are going through. I started a blog, The Clearance Chick, back in grad school and kept it up until I became a professor and had a baby. Then I started to notice that I had very little spare time, and the time I did have I wanted to spend with my family. I "bowed out" of the blogging scene when my little girl was only a month old, and am so much happier.

Betty Bake (May 17, 2012 at 2:15 AM)  

absolutely on track and so true for me too! I mean what is the point if its a pressure! big hugs and thanks for this honest post! I love that we can be real.

great blog and will keep reading

Betty Bake

Christina @ Sweet Lavender Bake Shoppe (May 17, 2012 at 9:48 AM)  

Sounds fabulous!!! What a great plan! It's what (in my VERY HUMBLED opinion) all blogs should be about anyway. The author blogger should post about things they've done, in their home, with their crafting tools. Things that then the average Joe can make and share with his/her family.

Blogs have gotten way to...commercialized and have gotten to a level that all us little blogs just can't keep up with.

Let's keep it "mom and pop" like, shall we? ;)

Keep up the good work!

Jana (May 17, 2012 at 12:47 PM)  

I completely know where you are coming from. Your blog was a huge inspiration for me when starting my own company/blog, but I found that constantly having to come up with styled shoots and ideas was completely overwhelming and stressful. We are now focusing on our own work and couldn't be happier. Glad to hear I'm not the only one. Wishing nothing but the best for you!

Rebecca (May 17, 2012 at 8:23 PM)  

I know what you mean!!! I closed my blog for this reason. It hit me after I discovered and read two blogs that bash the "Pioneer Woman"...that if you do become "famous" in Blog Land, you open yourself up to people's harsh words and people being mean, etc. I felt like I was spending so much of my precious free time doing a blog to talk about my life and it was taking away from my life ironically. I miss blogging (I set my blog to private but didn't delete it and don't post on it anymore) but after stepping away from it, I am glad that I did stop. :) After I stopped blogging, I also stopped spending so much time online and looking at other blogs as well. It was a good decision for me. :)

Jenny @ Hank + Hunt (May 21, 2012 at 8:31 AM)  

we need to talk. I somehow missed this post when it first came out and this is so close to how I am feeling. What a beautiful post. Thank you for being so honest and forthright. I'll read your nitty gritty real life anytime, darling.

Latisha Horton (May 23, 2012 at 6:27 AM)  

Thank you for sharing this with all of us ... and being a voice of reason. I plan to stick around and look forward to reading more about YOU and your projects : )

xoxo, Tish

Meg @ MilkandCotton (May 23, 2012 at 4:34 PM)  

wowzers, so many of your words in this post felt like my own. I am thrilled you shared your thoughts with all of us, and know you are certainly not alone.

{ SHE } (May 23, 2012 at 11:53 PM)  

Just beautiful Becca! You have hit the nail on the head with how I feel, and so many others I presume. Bravo to you for being brave and following your heart. You will continue to be an inspiration to us in any form. XOXO

Anonymous –  (May 29, 2012 at 4:33 PM)  

This is my first time visiting your site and I am glad to have drifted to this particular post. I've been told many times that I should 'blog' my creativity but I've always feared becoming too busy with the job of blogging. Scrapbooking and baking are my hobbies and anytime I have to do it for someone else I become nervous and jittery and in the end I feel its not worth it. THANK YOU FOR BEING REAL! You reaffirmed what I've always thought about blogging.

Cheryl (July 9, 2012 at 8:10 PM)  

Wow...How did I miss this?
First, I want to thank you for all your inspiration...I have followed you as "Birthday Girl", which is one of my very favorite blogs. You are amazing!!!
Second, thank you for your honesty. I have been stressing over the need to learn illustrator, photography, photoshop and more, just to keep up with the "picture perfect pretend parties!" How I dream of the perfect detail and then reality hits, I do not have the time, money or resources to compete with the mega talents in Bloggy World.
I always enjoy the clever ideas and unique parties, but, when it comes down to my own celebrations, things do not have to be perfect.
My Family Christmas party was a disaster because I tried too hard to make it "picture perfect" and I had a terrible evening when everyone else had a good time. I have had to step back and learn to not go overboard, just concentrate on making the party or celebration special without being "picture perfect".
Thank you for your honesty, it makes me admire you even more!
Relax and blog when you feel like it...I am a true "fan"

Caroline (July 12, 2012 at 11:09 AM)  

Here to support you always. Your sentiments are real and heartfelt... and I too can relate. HUGS and LOVE always! Bisous.

Kaci Uipi (November 7, 2012 at 2:11 PM)  

Wow. Crazy that I stumbled upon this post. I've seen your blog a while back and was impressed but hadn't looked in a while. I feel so much of what you feel. I started a party blog a year ago with (what I felt) was a new concept/idea that I hadn't ever seen online. Things were going great, people were responding and I felt like I could be super successful if I kept at it. But then things happened--life. I'm in a "tricky situation" (like most of us). With family, kids, husband, work, home, etc. that I constantly am fighting this inside battle. I have SO much creativity that when I don't use it I go mad. But then when I DO use it (working hard to have a successful and beautiful blog for example) it causes other problems between me and my husband (not having enough time to take care of home etc.) and other issues. I do get jealous when I see people get book deals etc. and think, "I KNOW that could be me! If only I put the effort and worked really a few years that could be me!".. but it always comes down to--ugh remember all the problems it causes when I go at it...and with health issues I face it just opens the door to ugly and negative things that remind me that maybe I just can't do it all--be a great mother, wife, sister, friend AND have a "successful" blog/business. ALWAYS struggling with this! Never know what to do. Appreciate your honesty!

Kaci Uipi (November 7, 2012 at 2:14 PM)  

One more thing--as rude and mean as this sounds, but to be totally honest I can't help and look at all the successful "bloggers" and think--what kind of mothers are they?? How much time do they spend with their kids? Do they have daycare or help? I truly wonder because I KNOW what kind of time it takes to do a blog,and especially a "successful blog" like theirs has to take SO much time!

Sandi (January 3, 2013 at 10:53 AM)  

I read this awhile ago, and then was too busy with my 1 year old to comment...what I am trying to say is that I totally understand! This is pretty much the same decision I made with my blog when I had her. I do occasional posts about the parties and baking and things that I still enjoy doing, but beyond that I just don't have time. And that's ok. There is still a place for those kind of blogs I think.
And I also wanted to say that I love to see people's authentic works. Photoshoots with models are great, but I much prefer real parties with real people. I love your little backyard parties and will continue to read about them and be inspired by them, more than I am by a professional photoshoot.

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